Best Lines of the Week: (Oct. 6-12): ‘I Don’t Usually Suffer From Premature Unfurling’

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best lines 10.12 copy
Eike Schroter/ABC

Once Upon A Time

Alice: “When it’s not your story, bad things happen.”

– Henry (Andrew J. West) wakes up to find himself taken captive by Alice in Wonderland (Rose Reynolds), after having fallen woozy to the charms of Cinderella (Dania Ramirez).

Riverdale - KJ Apa, Camila Mendes
Dean Buscher/The CW


Veronica: “You look like you’re auditioning for a teen reboot of The Shining.”

– Veronica (Camila Mendes) trying to convince Archie (KJ Apa) to take a shower with her in an effort to comfort her man him (she finds sex works best).

Steven Speilberg


Steven Spielberg: “I’ve avoided therapy because movies are my therapy.”

– The legendary director shares with documentarian Susan Lacy his secret to staying sane.

Outlander - Catriona Balfe


Professor Travers: “He was the love of my life…I could have made him happy.”

– Claire (Caitriona Balfe) is confronted by Frank’s mistress, Sandy (Sarah MacRae), about her holding onto their dead love, Frank (Tobias Menzies).

Ua Mau Ke Ea O Ka Aina I Ka Pono (The Life of the Land is Perpetuated in Righteousness)

Hawaii Five-0

Danny: “Shoot a dog, you’re going to hell, period.”

– Danny (Scott Caan) and McGarrett (Alex O’Loughlin) watch as paramedics work to save a wounded dog.

Nevertheless, She Persisted


Reporter: “Does President Marsden believe climate change is real?”
Cat: “Yes, Carl, as a matter of fact she does. She also believes that two plus two equals four, and that the Earth is round, because the President is not a moron.”

– Cat Grant (Calista Flockhart) is introduced in her new role as White House Press Secretary and she doesn’t hold back in defending the intelligence of the first female President.

Dancing with the stars, best lines
Eric McCandless/ABC

Dancing With The Stars

Frankie Muniz: “Truth is, I don’t remember much [of my time on Malcolm ]. It almost feels like it wasn’t me.”

– The theme of this week’s DWTS episode was, “The Most Memorable Year.” Unfortunately, after 9 concussions and several mini-strokes due to a career in racecar driving, Muniz revealed his memory of Malcolm in the Middle is relatively nonexistent.

Saturday Night Live - Jason Aldean, best lines
Will Heath/NBC

Saturday Night Live

Jason Aldean: “You can be sure we’re gonna walk through these tough times together, every step of the way.”

– In lieu of jokes about the current Harvey Weinstein scandal, the comedy sketch show opened with a tribute to the victims of the Las Vegas shooting and Tom Petty with Aldean and his band performing “Won’t Back Down.”

Lucifer, best lines, tom ellis
John P Flexor/FOX


Lucifer: “I don’t usually suffer from premature unfurling.”

– Lucifer (Tom Ellis) gets a little too excited in the presence of a topless brunette.

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