Best Lines of the Week (February 3-9): ‘I’m in a Whodunit, the Lowest Form of Literature’

Penn Badgley in 'You'

Love is certainly in the air (and on the schedule) because we can’t help but gush over TV from the past week.

Abbott Elementary returned on Wednesday with a Valentine’s themed episode where Janine (Quinta Brunson) found out she has secret admirers in her class and on her staff. In Gotham City, Harley Quinn (voiced by Kaley Cuoco) and Poison Ivy (voiced by Lake Bell) had their first Valentine’s Day. Sophie (Kim Cattrall) also offered some sage relationship advice to her son in this week’s episode of How I Met Your Father.

Sometimes obsession is confused with love, and who would know this better than self-proclaimed romantic (but actual stalker and serial killer) Joe Goldberg (Penn Badgley)? That’s right, You is back with Part 1 of its fourth season as Joe makes a career out of his love for literature and becomes embroiled in a murder across the pond.

Read on to see some of our favorite lines from the week!

Quinta Brunson in 'Abbott Elementary'

Abbott Elementary (ABC)

“This happens from time to time. Students form a real bond with teachers, which is understandable, but sometimes kids get confused and it turns into a little crush. Plus, I look like a giant kid, so they get confused even more.”

— Janine finds out one of her students has a crush on her on Valentine’s Day.

Trevor Noah hosting The 64th Grammy Awards

The 65th Annual Grammy Awards (CBS)

“World’s Sexiest Man. Are you kidding? No competition! Sex symbol of the globe — especially now that they killed off the green M&M.”

— Host Trevor Noah gushes over Harry Styles and makes a quip at a controversial decision made by Mars.

Harley Quinn (Kaley Cuoco) and Poison Ivy (Lake Bell) in Harley Quinn - Season 2

Harley Quinn (HBO Max)

“We’ll have a quiet dinner for two at Mama Macaroni’s, where the breadstick basket, much like my love for you, is bottomless.”

— Harley Quinn sets out to give girlfriend Poison Ivy the best Valentine’s Day she’s ever had.

Kim Cattrall in 'How I Met Your Father'

How I Met Your Father (Hulu)

“Son, when you’re young and dating in New York, friend groups can become pretty incestuous.” 

— Future Sophie describes to her son what dating inside the friend group can be like. 

Wilmer Valderrama in 'NCIS'


“Hey, are you sure you only need one take? Because I think I want to try something different.”

— Special Agent Nick Torres (Wilmer Valderrama) gets the star treatment as the dead body in a film about NCIS REACT agents.

Brooklyn Willie on 'The Bachelor'

The Bachelor (ABC)

“Lately, when I’ve been dating someone or, like, getting to know them, I haven’t been able to be around them longer than a whole day without being like, ‘Oh, there it is. There’s the ick.’”

— Bachelor contestant Brooklyn Willie talks with the other girls about being able to quickly find the ick in the men she’s dated.

Pedro Pascal hosting 'SNL'

Saturday Night Live (NBC)

“So, to all my family watching in Chile, I just want to say te amo, te extraño, y deja de dar mi informacíon personal, which means I love you, I miss you, and stop giving out my phone number.”

— Host Pedro Pascal jokes about his family’s reaction to his fame during his monologue.

Melissa Rauch and Lacretta in 'Night Court'

Night Court (NBC)

“Smelling like sausages does have its upside. Who doesn’t love a bunch of dogs following them around?”

— Abby Stone (Melissa Rauch) notes at least one of the benefits of living above a German beer hall to bailiff Gurgs (Lacretta).

Penn Badgley in 'You'

You (Netflix)

“S**t. I’m in a whodunit, the lowest form of literature.”

— Literature enthusiast and killer Joe Goldberg, now Professor Jonathan Moore, has the tables turned on him by becoming involved in a murder he didn’t commit.

Hannah Simone and Gina Rodriguez in 'Not Dead Yet'

Not Dead Yet (ABC)

Sam: “I wish I loved anything as much as Tina loves salads.”

Nell: “You have two children.” 

— Sam (Hannah Simone) stares longingly at her coworker Tina, who is preparing her salad, much to Nell’s (Gina Rodriguez) confusion.