Best Lines of the Week (September 21-27): 'Surprise, Bitch'

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best-lines-collage
Netflix, NBC & ABC
JAKE CHOI, KIMRIE LEWIS, LEIGHTON MEESTER, BRAD GARRETT
ABC/Mitch Haaseth

Single Parents

Angie: “We’re single parents, we don’t volunteer. We just try and survive until a time and day when it’s appropriate to open wine.”


– Angie (Leighton Meester) to Will (Taran Cooper) after he informs the single parents that they must participate more in their child’s school life.

Manifest - Season 1
Virginia Sherwood/NBC/Warner Brothers

Manifest

Michaela Stone: No one can explain what happened to us on April 7, 2013. Some people called it impossible. Others called it a miracle. All I know is… it was the day my life changed forever.


-Michaela Stone (Melissa Roxburgh) opens the series with a voiceover describing the day of the plane crash.

best-lines-american-horror-story
FX

American Horror Story: Apocalypse

Madison: “Surprise bitch. I bet you thought you’d seen the last of me.”


– Madison Montgomery (Emma Roberts) repeats her internet meme ‘Coven’ line to Mallory (Billie Lourd) after she resurrects her from the dead.

ROMANY MALCO
ABC/Eike Schroter

A Million Little Things

Rome: “For the record, Gary, your eyes are hazel and they’re magnificent.”


Rome (Romany Malco) to Gary (James Roday) after Gary accuses the group of paying little attention to each other.

best-lines-maniac
Netflix

Maniac

Linda: So Nan tells them to scram, and then yesterday, Nan passes, God rest her soul, so I take Wendy, and I get ready to go find the daughter, but then, you know, my bladder. And so I go in to pee at Bagel Boss for two minutes. Next thing I know, this f*ckin van is screeching away, with Wendy. And thank God I got the license plate number.

Bruce: That is fudging disrespectful.

Linda: It is.


– Linda (Emma Stone) and Bruce (Jonah Hill) plan their lemur heist in a wild 80s-esque dream sequence.

The Good Place - Season 3
Justin Lubin/NBC

The Good Place

Chidi: “I haven’t been this happy since — oh wow, i’ve never been happy.”


Chidi (William Jackson Harper) says to his friend, Henry (Dominic Burgess).

best-lines-greys-anatomy
ABC

Grey’s Anatomy

Owen: “I want the strings. I’ve always wanted the strings. I want the kids. I want the noisy house. I want the dog. I want the strings Amelia.”


Owen (Kevin McKidd) telling Amelia (Caterina Scorsone) he still loves her.

This is Us - Season 3
Ron Batzdorff/NBC

This Is Us

Jack: “You make me feel like I’m home.”


Jack (Milo Ventimiglia) to Rebecca (Mandy Moore) after their first date goes awry.

best-lines-the-good-cop
Netflix

The Good Cop

Tony Caruso Sr: Remember Boy Scout camp? You won all of those medals.

Tony Caruso Jr: Badges.

Tony Caruso Sr.: Badges. Whatever.

Tony Caruso Jr: If you were there, you would know.


– Father-son tensions between Tony Caruso Sr. (Tony Danza) and Tony Caruso Jr. (Josh Groban) are immediately revealed).

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From the emotional season premiere of This Is Us, to a new comedy, Single Parents, this week was full of heart-wrenching and funny lines you won't want to miss.

Click through the gallery above to see our favorites!

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