Molly: “Me and Jon are literally, like, a 99% match. Like, we have every single thing in common, literally everything. The only part that is missing is, like, the physical chemistry.” – Molly discusses the status of her and Jon’s marriage with the other two couples at dinner.
Forged in Fire
Fuad: “The bamboo chop is probably the most brutal thing anyone could conceive of for a folding knife.” – Fuad Accawi comments when the bladesmiths are put to the test and asked to make a functional friction folder.
Last Week Tonight with John Oliver
John: “No child should have to worry about whether they’re going to be murdered. The biggest thing they should be worrying about are whether they can sit with the cool kids while they eat their Tide pods, and how they can please Slenderman.” – John Oliver focuses on problems within immigration courts and how they deal with cases involving children.
Richie Knapp/USA Network
Unsolved: The Murders of Tupac and The Notorious B.I.G.
Biggie: “I let you send that letter to Duke. I should’ve went and talked to him face to face. Now he out here wailing and I’m quiet.” Puff: “Man, you think I don’t want to run up on everybody that got something to say?” – Biggie (Wavvy Jones) and Puff (Luke James) have a heated talk about the East Coast/West Coast rivalry.
Famous In Love
Alexis: “That’s not what my show is about.” Nina: “That’s right, it’s about getting nipple rings and trashing everyone in Hollywood.” Alexis: “I don’t have nipple rings!” – Alexis (Niki Koss) and Nina (Perrey Reeves) bicker over the latter’s lack of respect for the former’s show.
The Walking Dead
Morgan: “You save people. I watch ‘em die.” – Morgan (Lennie James) explains to Carol (Melissa McBride) his struggle to deal with the constant death that surrounds the group.
America’s Next Top Model
Shanice: “I honestly can’t deal! She’s like a bug. She can’t be killed.” – Top Model competitor Shanice Carroll says what all the girls are thinking when Tyra surprises them all during the judging by allowing Jeana Turner to stay in the competition.
Jax: “And I wake up this morning, and the pillows are oddly arranged. The smoking gun, if you will.” – ‘Detective’ Jax Taylor reenacts the suspicious scene that unfolded the night before when Kristen Doute and James Kennedy were left alone together in the pool while on the group trip to Mexico.
Splitting Up Together
Martin: “The reason I do not cook is not because I am a male chauvinist. It’s because I suck.” – Martin (Oliver Hudson) admits to his children that he does not belong in the kitchen.
Linda: “Oh that’s good, honey! Is that good?” Gene: “I don’t know sports or math.” – Both Linda (John Roberts) and Gene (Eugene Mirman) struggle to understand when Louise (Kristen Schaal) announces that her soccer team lost 21 to 1.