Best Lines of the Week (March 3-9): ‘A Uterus Is Like an Escape Room for Babies’

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schitts creek

Schitt’s Creek (Pop)

Patrick: We just need a body.

David: Then go to the morgue.

—Patrick (Noah Reid) trying to convince David (Dan Levy) to play on their softball team, after a member dropped out last minute.

good girls

Good Girls (NBC)

Beth: Who wants pizza?

Emma: What if it’s the bad guy?

Beth: Bad guys don’t ring doorbells.

—Beth (Christina Hendricks) assuring her kids that the bad guy who hurt their father won’t be coming after them.

miracle workers

Miracle Workers (TBS)

Rosie: It’s been years since you’ve had a prophet.

God: Oh, well, yeah. That’s by choice. I mean, every time it’s the same old story. You know, I meet some guy in the desert and get to talking, and you know, it’s fun. Then like, they get obsessed with me. They start building temples and compounds, and I’m like “Whoa buddy, I like you, but we just met.”

—God (Steve Buscemi) explaining to his assistant Rosie (Lolly Adefope) why he doesn’t have anyone to talk to.


SMILF (Showtime)

Man: My queen.

Bridgette: Welfare queen, that is.

—Bridgette (Frankie Shaw) fantasizing over becoming a wealthy queen after going on welfare.

the rookie

The Rookie (ABC)

Bradford: If I find out that you’re back out here again, I’ll have you arrested for violating California Penal Codes 372 and 647b. You got that?

Chen: 647b is the code for prostitution.

Bradford: They don’t know that.

—Officer Tim Bradford (Eric Winter) threatens a local neighborhood militia who are trying to “help” recover prisoners who escaped after a bus crash. However, Officer Lucy Chen (Melissa O’Neil), his trainee, doesn’t let his slip-up slide after the militia leave.

vanderpump rules

Vanderpump Rules (BRAVO)

Lala: He did feel very badly, and he took my Gucci slides. But then, he gave them back to me.

—Lala Kent telling Katie Maloney-Schwartz and Brittany Cartwright about her breakup with her (much older) boyfriend, Randall, that only lasted 17 hours.

man with a plan

Man With A Plan (CBS)

Adam: What are you going to slam now, Slammy Davis Jr.?

—Adam (Matt LeBlanc) to his daughter, Kate (Grace Kaufman), after he took her bedroom door away when she snuck out

This Is Us

This Is Us (NBC)

Rebecca: I’m sorry that Miguel couldn’t make it.

Toby: But you know who is coming? Hint: He looks Chris Hemsworth had a baby with the other Hemsworth.

— Toby (Chris Sullivan) decides to surprise Kate (Chrissy Metz) by getting Rebecca (Mandy Moore) and Kevin (Justin Hartley) to come celebrate her college graduation.

Good Trouble

Good Trouble (Freeform)

Alice: When you think about it, a uterus is like an escape room for babies.

— Alice’s (Sherry Cola) failed attempt to crack a joke on a live radio show.

the other two

The Other Two (Comedy Central)

Carey: Hi guys… what’s up?

Cameron: We were just taking a photo in front of a school that burnt down.

Drake: I think we’re gonna caption it, “You make me wanna La-La”

—Carey (Drew Tarver) runs into Cameron Colby (Jimmy Fowlie) and his Instagram famous friends while at work.

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A great week from all of our faves like SMILF to Miracle Workers and so much more!

Click through our gallery to see our favorite lines of the week!

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