Best Lines on TV This Week: ‘I’ll Be Damned. Tatooine.’

Marvel's Agents of SHIELD - Maveth

Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

— Coulson (Clark Gregg) realizes he’s definitely somewhere in a galaxy far, far away


Liv: “How do I know that you didn’t call her from a landline?”
Major: “Because, it’s not 1987.”
— Major (Robert Buckley) assures Liv (Rose McIver) that he is not using a landline to have secret affair phone calls

Ravi: “What do you think about calling yourself Doctor Power? Dead Power? Doctor Dead? How about Snow Woman? Because you’re ice-cold, right? Potentially deadly, and…”
Liv: “A woman. Clever.”
— Liv (Rose McIver) is not impressed with Ravi’s (Rahul Kohli) selection of superhero names

Liv: “This city needs more than a symbol.”
Ravi: “Yeah, just keep saying stuff like that. I’ll follow behind you, jotting notes for the graphic novel.”
— Ravi gets sarcastic about Liv’s serious nature while on the superhero brain


“I’ve got a bad feeling about this. I mean, a really bad feeling. I mean, a feeling so bad that it’s got to mean something. Something bad.”
— Bud (Danny Bruno) has a pretty accurate premonition of what’s coming

A Very Murray Christmas

Jackie: “Bill, Billy, this sad excuse for a Christmas special…starting to seem more like a Christ-mess, as in what a mess.”
Bill: “We have George Clooney.”
Jackie: “I rest my case. You saw Monuments Men?”
Bill: “I was in it.”
Jackie (Michael Cera) tries, very unsuccessfully, to woo Bill Murray (playing himself) as a client

Doctor Who

The Doctor: “I’ll need help, obviously.”
General: “Gallifrey is at your command.”
The Doctor: “Oh, not from you lot. No, you’d cramp my style. Look at your hats.”
— The Doctor (Peter Capaldi) is no fan of the Time Lords fashion sense.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

“You know what I like about our relationship, Jake? We don’t talk about our love lives, or our families, or anything that’s on our minds. It’s why you’re my closest friend in the world.”
— Diaz (Stephanie Beatriz) reveals the real reason she appreciates Jake’s (Andy Samberg) friendship


Thea: “If you’re here to give me a Christmas present, you can keep whatever knife or torture device you plan on giving me.”
Malcolm: “No presents. Nothing gift-wrapped at any rate.”
— Thea (Willa Holland) wants nothing that Malcolm (Johnathan Barrowman) can give her

You’re the Worst

“Becca’s like a Monday crossword. Gretchen…Sunday. Takes all day, but it’s rewarding as hell.”
— Jimmy’s (Chris Geere) drunken realization about his relationship with Gretchen

Gretchen: “You know, after I cleaned the fries off your face and put you to bed, you said something to me that was pretty dark.”
Jimmy: “Mmm, don’t tell me.”
Gretchen: “OK, I won’t. [pause] I love you, too.”
— Gretchen (Aya Cash) makes a huge step in her relationship with Jimmy

Scream Queens

“You’re quoting Nietzsche? Seriously? You are already a murderer, Pete, you don’t have to be a douche as well!”
— Grace (Skyler Samuels) is no fan of Pete (Diego Boneta) quoting of the German philosopher

“I mean, I’m all for public shaming. I practically invented it. It’s the sign of a healthy culture. But not when I’m the one getting shamed.”
— Chanel (Emma Roberts) doesn’t like the taste of her own medicine

The Mindy Project

The Big Bang Theory

Modern Family