Best Lines on TV This Week: Amy Schumer Does Double Duty

The Bachelorette
Matt Petit/ABC
The Bachelorette

The Bachelorette

“JJ’s a sweetheart. He’s just missing, like, charisma and humility and a sense of humor.”

Amy Schumer finds the Bachelorette’s suitors lacking in a few departments.

Inside Amy Schumer

“Ok, I know I’ve said a lot of horrible things, but I’m a very good person. I just adopted a rescue pug. That’s sweet, right? Oh wait no I’m sorry…I bought a pair of Uggs.”

Schumer gets in another bait-and-switch this week.


Today is Garrett’s wedding. For those of you who don’t know Garrett, he’s a guy we don’t really know that we’ve known for like six years at school.”

Britta Perry (Gillian Jacobs) knows who her friends are.


“What is it with you girls? Tinder this, snapshot that. The world is not one big booty call.”

Liza (Sutton Foster) gets some cross-generational advice from her friend’s mom, Denise (Kathy Najimy).


“Richard T. Splett. Don’t know why I said “T”, my middle name is John.”

Richard Splett (Sam Richardson) is tongue-tied while introducing himself to Tom James (Hugh Laurie).

Silicon Valley

“We do have the kick ass potato cannon! Although this is one broken. We tried to put a Mr. Potato Head in it… and it did not like that.”

Big Head (Josh Brener) informs Gavin Belson (Matt Ross) of his team’s latest high-tech development.

Game of Thrones

“Look at me. Look at my face. It’s the last thing you will see before you die.”

Cersei (Lena Headey) has some fiery words after being imprisoned.


“I got a giant Indian to throw a sink through a window and jumped to freedom. Nah, I’m just kidding. I checked myself out.”

Major (Robert Buckley) makes a solid One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest reference when he drops by Liv’s (Rose McIver) apartment after a stay at a mental hospital.

Wayward Pines

“Aren’t you lucky that one of the best places in WP freed up last night, hmm? The prior occupant had a sore throat, if you know what I mean. Oh, and I am speaking more as a poet than a nurse when I say that.”

Nurse Pam (Melissa Leo) continues to taunt Ethan (Matt Dillon).