TV's Best Lines This Week: Amy Learns About Being an Aging Actress and Tyrion Out-Clevers Varys
Inside Amy Schumer
"If you shoot a sex scene the night before your birthday, everyone's like, 'Hurry up, hurry up, we gotta get it before midnight!' because they think your vagina's going to turn into a hermit crab."
—Tina Fey explains the hazards of getting older in Hollywood to Amy Schumer
Jane the Virgin
"My pores are closely connected to my emotions. When one is closed, the other is clogged."
—Rogelio (Jamie Camil) explains why his beauty routine is so important
"The endless cycle of hate is your addiction and like all tales of compulsion, this will end the same way, first you will crash and then you will burn."
—Mason Treadwell (Roger Bart) brings Emily (Emily VanCamp) to tears as he tells her about herself.
"If I got hit by a bus tomorrow, no one would care."
—Barbara (Erin Richards) unknowingly stops Ogre (Milo Ventimiglia) from killing her with a sad, but intriguing statement.
"Why don't you just write down all of your dreams, so I can shit on them?"
—Peggy asks Don to review her work performance, but Don concentrates instead on her plans are for the future. When Peggy proclaims that she wants to be the first female creative director, Don, characteristically, undermines her.
"It's ironic you're talking to us about occupation while you're occupying someone else's continent."
—The Israeli prime minister sasses interim President Selina Meyer (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) as she endures backlash after a Native American painting was removed from the White House.
"I'm a social worker. My insurance covers, like, one Band-Aid a year."
—Major (Robert Buckley) preaches the unfortunate reality of his career when refusing a trip to the ER.
The Big Bang Theory
Bernadette: "Are you ready to call tech support?"
Howard: "Give me the number. I'll probably wind up talking to some foreign guy who's reading from the same manual I have."
—Howard (Simon Helberg), initially reluctant to call for help, gives in after his malfunctioning drone starts smoking—and, comically, Raj's (Kunal Nayyar) phone rings.
Game of Thrones
Varys: "Are we really going to spend the entire road to Volantis talking about the futility of everything?"
Tyrion: "You're right, no point."
—A downtrodden Tyrion (Peter Dinklage), even in his drunken stupor, smartly agrees that talking about his life-on-the-run predicament to Varys (Conleth Hill) is useless.
"Can't a woman get in a mood for one night without the whole world coming to a freakin' end?"
—Upon her return to White Pine Bay and its utter chaos, Norma (Vera Farmiga) learns her short respite came at a cost .AlertMe