Oriana: What’s in a name? More to the point, the Puppy Bowl has 55 (fifty! five!) puppies, all adoptable, and from all around the country. There are even grown-up dogs watching in a “tailgate” section. (I’m a sucker for easy puns.)
Aubry: 55? That’s puppy’s play. Try 90-plus, also all adoptable. And, they’ve got celebrities, like Kat Dennings. (Or, for you, Punny, “Cat Dennings.”)
Oriana: Fine, let’s say you’re in dire need of some kitten juju. Puppy Bowl has an actual Kitten Halftime Show, at which Katty Furry herself will perform.
Aubry: Those poor, sad kittens, forced to shake it on the dog side of the tracks. And you, taking advantage of them…
Oriana: How many feathers have been dangled in front of those innocent, trusting little creatures, only to have them cruelly jerked out of reach? I don’t know how PETA hasn’t shut Kitten Bowl down.
Aubry: Cats have no attachment to material things. It is an exercise in zen meditation for them. And restraint—of which the cat is king. In the end, the best animal is the animal that won’t piss on the goal post.
Oriana: Those kinds of accidents are used as lessons, and add an endearing twist to the proceedings. As in Puppy Bowl, so in life—fun can get a little messy, sometimes.
Aubry: And as in Kitten Bowl, so in life—the players take a lot of long naps? Let’s just agree on one thing: That Fish Bowl is….
Oriana: ...totally bogus. Come on, NatGeo Wild.
So which is it: canines or felines? Tell us in the comments below. But really, there’s no need to choose just one: Kitten Bowl II airs Feb. 1 on Hallmark Channel at noon/11c, with Puppy Bowl XI showing on Animal Planet at 3/2c. And, if you must, Fish Bowl II airs on NatGeo Wild at 6/5c.