Puppy Bowl vs. Kitten Bowl: Which Is Adorably Superior?

While the rest of the media world concentrates on cramming in more “Tom Brady’s deflated balls” jokes before Super Bowl XLIX kicks off, we felt it our duty to address a more pressing issue: Is Hallmark Channel’s Kitten Bowl II or Animal Planet’s Puppy Bowl XI the superior display of animal cuteness? Here, cat lady Aubry D’Arminio and dog lover Oriana Schwindt go head-to-head to determine the winner.

Oriana: This is Zane. Zane is a 15-week-old Corgi mix. Why do you hate Zane, Aubry?

Aubry: Because Zane looks like he has the killer athletic prowess of a stuffed bear? When I want to watch a “bowl,” I want to watch a “bowl.” The Kitten Bowl is a rumble in the animal jungle, if you will. Kitty player Barney has perfected the flying tackle:

Oriana: There’s a reason the saying is, “Weak as a newborn kitten,” you know. Look, I’m not saying those pointy-eared fluffballs of yours aren’t cute, but they’ve got no heft to them. Zane and his buddies might not be the most graceful pups, but they’re all playing their little doggeh hearts out. Also, the Puppy Bowl’s toys are better. Spiky balls, rope toys, whatever this thing is:

Aubry: Hey, the stuffed mouse is a classic. Or do y’all prefer deflated toys?

Oriana: Touche.

Aubry: Zane isn’t even a player-like name. William “The Litterbox” Purry, as proven by the 1986 Chicago Bears, is. Or sort of. And the kittens in the Kitten Bowl throw the passes themselves, albeit with their mouths.