Best Lines on TV This Week: “Do Not Touch the Charred Crotch.”

With almost all of our old and new favorite TV shows back in full swing, we had plenty of hilarious, memorable, and deep quotes to chose from this week. There was a little bit of everything, from a Friends reference to a super guest appearance to a hilarious comedy cross-over event and more! Here are the best of the best from this past week of television.

Lucifer

Chloe: “Do not touch the charred crotch.”
—Chloe (Lauren German) gives Lucifer (Tom Ellis) an important life lesson.

Lucifer: “Have you considered I might enjoy exploring humanity?”
Charlotte: “They eat, darling. All they do is eat. And then afterwards, the food comes out changed and not for the better.”
—Lucifer’s mother (Tricia Helfer) doesn’t quite get the ‘human’ thing.

It’s called “a body,” Mom. #Lucifer pic.twitter.com/mR0EboC4Z6

— Lucifer (@LuciferonFOX) October 11, 2016

Once Upon A Time

Cinderella: “What about the two of you, anyway? Any chance of a fairy-tale ending?”
Hook: “Uh, we’re taking things slow. Quite slow, actually. I’m still sleeping on a cot on a pirate ship near a pregnant woman who likes to snore.”
—Hook (Colin O’Donnell) is brutally honest with Cinderella (Jessy Schram) about his relationship with Emma (Jennifer Morrison).

black-ish

A They Call Me Johan classic. @DaveedDiggs #blackish pic.twitter.com/YF0ND3LsYY

— black-ish (@black_ishABC) October 13, 2016

 

Scorpion

Toby’s into it… https://t.co/htHicTO9EH #TeamScorpion @elyesgabel pic.twitter.com/KvawdmcrlF

— Scorpion (@ScorpionCBS) October 11, 2016

Timeless

“The present isn’t perfect, but it’s ours. Awful as it is, whatever happens to Lincoln is meant to be.”
—Lucy (Abigail Spencer) explains to Rufus (Malcolm Barrett) why they can’t interfere in set events.

2 Broke Girls

“Yeah, nope. Still not a mother. I’m so bored. I Netflixed, Hulued, Amazoned; I’m about to HBO Go out of my mind!”
—Sophie (Jennifer Coolidge) is totally over the whole pregnancy thing.

Bob’s Burgers

📵 #BobsBurgers pic.twitter.com/hE5hYI82aX

— Bob’s Burgers (@BobsBurgersFOX) October 9, 2016

Modern Family

Claire: “Oh, thank god, I smell coffee. This morning has gotten off to a rocky…Horror Picture Show. What did you do to your face?”
Phil: “Just a little color to make my eyes pop… Like yours are now.”
—Phil (Ty Burrell) experiments with makeup and surprises Claire (Julie Bowen).

Supergirl

Winn: “Oh, he’s coming toward me.”
Kara: “Winn! This is my cousin, Superman.”
Winn: “I have a million questions. Okay! When Lex Luthor set off the earthquake in California did you use the focal depth of your X-ray vision–”
Kara: “Winn. Breathe.”
—Winn (Jeremy Jordan) is very excited to meet Superman’s (Tyler Hoechlin) at the DEO.

Kara: “What’s with those two?”
Alex: “Beats me… Your cousin smells terrific.”
Kara: “Enough.”
—Alex (Chyler Leigh) and Kara (Melissa Benoist) discuss the important stuff.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Holt: “How about some tunes?”
Diaz: “Cool merry-go-round music.”
Holt: “Yeah! John Phillip Sousa, the Skrillex of his day.”
—Captain Holt (Andre Braugher) knows how to party.

Looks like Holt’s after work ‘hang’ is doing the trick. 😂 #Brooklyn99 pic.twitter.com/iMRVklUHr1

— Brooklyn Nine-Nine (@Brooklyn99FOX) October 12, 2016

The Good Place

Michael: “I studied the human concept of friends. I even watched all ten seasons of the show, Friends. Boy, those friends really were friends, weren’t they? Although, how did they afford that apartment?”
Eleanor: “Yeah, we were all confused about that too.”
—Michael (Ted Danson) and Eleanor (Kristen Bell) question the realism of everyone’s favorite 90s sitcom.

How To Get Away With Murder

“Go. Let yourself be loved.” ~Annalise~ 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#HTGAWM pic.twitter.com/O0UPAaYaxq

— How To Get Away ABC (@HowToGetAwayABC) October 14, 2016

No Tomorrow

Deirdre: “Operation Hank-e Panky is officially under way.”
Evie: “Oh, I don’t think we need a code name.”
Deirdre: “Would you prefer Operation You-Agreed-To-Have-Hank-Fall-In-Love-With-Me-So-You-Could-Keep-Your-Job?”
Evie: “Hank-e Panky it is!”
—Deirdre (Amy Pietz) and Evie (Tori Anderson) concoct a plan to get co-worker Hank (Jonathan Langdon) to fall in love with Deidre.

Arrow

Oliver: “On the line.”
Evelyn: “Wait, I thought there was going to be, I don’t know, like an orientation? “
Oliver: “Is that what the brochure promised?”
—Oliver (Stephen Amell) preps his new recruits Evelyn (Madison McLaughlin), Curtis (Echo Kellum), and Wild Dog (Rick Gonzalez).

Scream Queens

Chad: “Aw, you think this is the end of the movie? Well, it’s not! This is the first part, where the bad guy beats the good guy, and then the good guy trains in a montage, comes back, beats the bad guy, freeze-frame into a kiss with the girl as my old and ethnic mentor looks on!”
—Chad Radwell (Glen Powell) assures Dr. Brock Holt (John Stamos) that he’s not done fighting for Chanel’s (Emma Roberts) affection..and that’s he’s very familiar with 80s teen movies.